Employed!

I'm so excited to put together cute outfits for this. I have been networking like a goddamned fiend lately. I love to schmooze, but it was started to get tired. Everything is so tired. I write that phrase constantly in school. "Everything is SO TIRED."

But it doesn't matter, 'cause I'm done with school.

"TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE THE BEST DAY EVER," Mary keeps saying.
- work with the baby
- go to Carnegie for mural stuff
- Art Awards Picnic, my favorite day of the year.
- Senior Art Show!
- Mary's Photography Thesis Show!


I think we're gonna end this year the way we started it.

Pittsburgh summer, y'all. I'm so happy. Everything is coming together and life is beautiful. Fingers crossed for everything.

Day started with me waiting for the bus. I hear a little whistle - it's Lisa and Anthony in the truck, waiting at the light. I kiss Lisa hello through the rolled down window and talk to them until someone behind them honks (the light had turned green).

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I went to go see the mural site today, and when I walked up, another competing artist was already there. This was his intro as we shook hands:

"I'm gonna kick your ASS!"

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The day ended when I was waiting by the bus stop for the long ride home. Some one was honking and waving through their window - it was James! The artist who was gonna kick my ass!

The ride home was nice, we talked about art school stuff you have to deal with all the time. Like, how the project you slave over and care about is the one that's ripped apart, when the project you shit out in five minutes before a critique is lauded as genius. He told me,

"When I was in undergrad, I was so fed up with the whole thing, ya know. So right before the critique I just shit on the canvas, rubbed it around, and hung it up. And made them all look at it and talk about it, and they loved it. I mean, I literally shit on a canvas and rubbed it around, ya know?! Literally!"

Which made me wonder: did he actually shit on a canvas? Or was he misusing the word 'literally' for emphasis? Gray area.

In the mail today:



From my father.

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I'm done with school. I have to show up to a few things, but I'm done. Up next:
- Getting food stamps
- Getting a job
- Planning mural
- Finding new apartment (?!?!?!)
- I'm drawing a pencil portrait of a Yorkie and a Maltese. Yeah.

I'm scared of swine flu, and because I am legitimately worried, I hate the fact that I keep thinking of The Happening.

Oh Mary:

"You know what the real problem is with this Hipster Grifter? Why no one can find her? ...they all look alike!"

and

April was discussing her food stamps, which I will soon be on.
"You just have to not be embarrassed about going into the welfare office and fill out the paperwork."
"...Did you dress down?"

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I stayed up until the wee morning hours last night talking about honey bees, among other things. Last night was the first night without the comforter, with the air conditioner and fans and open windows. R. and I are voyaging to Texas May 29th - June 3rd. I'm done with school after I tack a few more things up on a wall and print out something and turn it in. Sitting in my shorts and bra in my hot apartment, drinking a beer. Everything is going so well.

Ohhhh boyyyy.

Took the baby to the zoo in an attempt to wear him out. By the end of the morning we were both exhausted. It's starting to be the fever dream part of summer - laying in bed with a thin layer of sweat all over you, hair sticking to foreheads and temples, fighting for a nap.

Saw Boothy for the first time in a long time - he showed us his office and lab, and liquids that react to magnets (cool). Saw two different shows. It's becoming a tradition to walk home at night, talking about how beautiful and lucky everything is. It may sound cheesy, but there you have it.

Took a flower from a memorial site (a big yellow rose). Spreadin' the wealth around.



Holy shit, y'all, I'm done with school tomorrow. Forever. In my life.





I can't even talk about things that are happening. Maybe over a drink in the corner of a room at some event I could try to, but otherwise it feels impossible.

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Full days, full daze.

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Saw my first groundhog today. Motherfuckers are HUGE.

Yesterday I came home, and I was ready to cry about the three J's (Jamie, Jay, and Judy), but I kept getting distracted by better things. Maybe I will today. It's been a while.

Took the dog on two long walks - on the first a girl and her mom were riding bikes (cute) and the girl asked, "Can I pet your dog?" and we chatted about the dog for a while. I WAS THAT GIRL. On the second walk, we went to Spak, and she performed tricks for pepperonis and freaked Nate out.

Mary and I googled things we shouldn't (including google image). It's all part of the coping process, I think.

W.W.S.S.? (bringing it back, y'all)
So, there's one less star in the sky.
Well, who cares?

How gauche is it to nicely hang your own art work in your home? I want to say it's proactive - you are the design you wish to see in the home, and all that. But in the end I think I have to concede that it is terribly gauche. Shame. I'm losing my studio soon, and have lots of white walls at home.


I should make gauche gouache paintings. I think I will.

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Pet portraits. There is money to be made here. This does not irk me. People love their pets, and I, like Paul Wall, am in love with my money.

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You guys, I really think it's possible. 'It' being this amazingly large thing I can't even really put into words. I can do it. I'm gonna do it.

Always forgetting to post.

Nothing to say. I've been socializing and traveling and planning and scheming and working and partying, and I'm all spent.

The end.

When Audrey and I were in Mexico together, we would sit in the giant marble bathtub together at night, brushing our teeth.

Y'all. Y'ALL.

All my days have been great, lately. It's barf inducing to say 'magical', but it feels that way.

- Beautiful weather.
- Went to the park and museum with the baby, rode the carousel. Ate funnel cake. Felt motherly.
- Sunburned!! First of the year, baby.
- Designed a logo for Mary. (Channelling my inner Eric Carle, y'all).
- Put together a cute outfit (it's important), reintroduced my little legs to the world. I was hollered at by some Mexicans, so I knew I was doing at least some very small thing right.
- Totally Wired Fest, night 1.

Nice Moments:

Walking into the museum with Paul, doing something leisurely because we could, and we were there, and why not. Little kids were swarming everywhere, and I pushed the stroller with the sleeping baby in it. "Look at these assholes," I said to Paul as we approached the kid-filled lobby.

Skipping down the front steps to jump in Randy's car. I'm in my little skirt (carrying presents) and he's smiling in the car while smoking his after work cigarette in a tshirt (first of the year). By that big fir tree, car windows down.

Eyes like plates, sitting off on the sides in the fake lounge while the bands played. Waiting it out. Finally being able to socialize and have fun and be on the other side of joke-making (knowing glances from across the bar).

It always feels (I just wrote that as 'fills'. I need to chill out.) like we're a little trouble-making team watching everything else happen. In on the joke. Like when we were sitting on the sidelines in those ridiculous old velour parlor chairs (I wish there were a photo - perfect example of dingy glamour), well put-together and resigned. Or when he was throwing things into the crowd, disappointed he left the fireworks at home, and I silently handed him things I was getting rid of, one by one, so he could throw those, too. I always say it's not a party until Reeves shows up, but truly it's not a party until there are interior fireworks.

We made the adventure (everything is an adventure) across the street to see Lisa at the Thunderbird. She gave me a spider ring and all the drinks were free (with the customary fighting over it). Smuggling beers across the street. And then! The post-show scramble: everyone spills out onto to street, trying to find ways home, jumping into cars that have already started to drive away. Was driven home by Eli, sliding into his car at the last second (sitting on a lap). Came home to a living room of 10 boys dressed in black, sitting on all the couches. John was left behind and woke up in his car at 4 am.

Bathroom encounters. I will leave it at that. Intimate moments that catch you off gaurd - my favorite.

Making coffee, eating donuts and drinking beer before noon. Beautiful.

\\

"Everything is wonderful all the time, and it's the hardest thing to remember to be grateful, but what else can I do?"

"Why doesn't everyone like everything I like? I dunno. But I gotta deal." ---- every argument is pointless, belee dat.

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MM says, "just the smell of summer can make me fall in love". It's true.

Christina has "Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation" tattooed on the back of her arm, and a while ago at Gooski's - that time when we just missed the show, the night that I went out the night before my senior review - she told me it was from the bible. But it's not. It's Kahlil Gibran.

I never have much to say anymore. I think I may delete this soon. Just sayin'.

I got a beautiful new blanket from Mary.

Cute:

Photo by Mary via Tom.

I saw Bill Callahan play an in-store today. A girl fainted in the back, and whoever she was with was screaming the most bloodcurdling, terrifying screams. I couldn't see what happened and thought someone had run in from outside, with a gunman following close behind. Hands down one of the scariest things I have experienced.

And she just fainted!

Best. Easter. Ever.

Actually, it’s the only one of two Easters that I will even be able to remember in the future. The other was last year’s.



Woke up, still worked up from the day before. Was talked down.
Get dressed and drive to Randy’s family’s house. It’s so nice to be around family, any family.
Walked to Polish Hill, it was beautiful out. Carrying a cake and a watermelon, unwrapping foil on the bridge.
Jimmy dropped the watermelon as soon as we handed it to him.
I felt weird but was well-behaved.
Vinnie handed me the giant wad of money and told me to watch the door – terror.
Nobunny show was AWESOME. Rock and Roll Adventure Kids were AWESOME.
To people throwing beer – I’m trying to drink beer, so you could just hand them to me, thanks.

I can’t get over this show. The whole day was so amazing, and after R. and I tagged-teamed the bathroom (“We are not going to address this.”) we discovered it was only 9:30 pm. “We can do anything, we can go anywhere. The night is ours!”

Went to Kopec’s to see the other end of the punk spectrum. It was painful. “This song…. This song is about the American Empire… things have been fucked up for so long and Iraq and Afghanistan and blah blah blah blah BLAH.” It’s important to care about things, but it’s also important to DO things and sometimes you have to throw glitter and wear costumes and dance and scream. Or at least know you have the option.

Walking out of the bar, almost to the door, all the lights in the surrounding 5 blocks had blown out. We walked home in the dark, and the city was lit up by bouncing flashlight lights coming out onto all the porches. Magical.

Nobunny was at the house when we got home, so we played with them for a while. I ran into one of them in my underwear this morning trying to go to the bathroom and yelled.

The show was awesome. Yesterday was rough, but I made the best of it by spending all day with Mary. We got drunk and told inappropriate stories with Abraham - probably stories no one wanted to hear, but I can't take it back now, ya know?

I never update on time.

Nice day. Spent a lot of time with Mary, visited SPAK, met up with Randy at the park. OH GOD, we witnessed the most hilarious fall. Parties involved? Guy telling us a story about his gigantic Mastiff (I guessed the weight right, almost - 140 lbs), the giant Mastiff, old lady, and old lady's old dog (16 years). They got all tangled and were rolling around each other. I can't explain, you had to be there. But I'm laughing out loud in the art room thinking about it now.

OH MY GOD MY GALLERY SHOW IS TODAY. I have no idea if I'm ready or have enough. Very nervous.
Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.
Ga Ga.

I don't know if there has been a period in my life where Wu-Tang has felt more perfect. It's all I will listen to for the next week or so - I wish I had headphones.

This snotty sophomore boy yelled at me, and I laughed at him. "WHEN ARE YOU GONNA TAKE THE STICK OUT?!", as Jon (from Kate + 8) would say.

Maaaaan, lots to say, but with no internet I rarely do (in this format, at least).

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Fun times with Mary. All times with Mary are fun times. Watching her and Abraham alter clothes. "Hey doodle, what do you think about this?"

She gave me a pair of shoes and two bras, one of which I left on the floorboard of Randy's car by accident.

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I ran into one of my teachers after midnight, at a bar, the night before my Senior Review.

"Are you worried about it..... Well, I guess not, you're here."

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Also, I got recognized by a stranger: "YOU! I KNOW YOU!" finger-pointing from across the table. "There's a picture of you on my fridge!" I found out it had to be taken down due to some scandal, but couldn't get the story out of him.

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Odd moment waiting for drinks with R. Spak. I need to be writing this stuff down. "He used to tell stories about you but now he doesn't, so I know he must really like you."

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Senior review - killed it!

Castle nights are the most fun nights.

Sitting in the back booth, approaching 4 am. Crust punks with kids are playing darts (poorly), D. LLoyd is taking pictures of himself on his phone, Reeves is deeply involved in some intense conversation about West African slave trade (gah). We were just watching it all happen.

"I'm so happy. Everything is wonderful."

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I was telling Mary about another Castle encounter:
"I was watching them, and she was leaning into his lap and and they were just making out and her butt was in my face, and I realized: they TOTALLY have SEX!"

"Yeah.... Like, he sees her naked... and he LIKES it!"

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Most beautiful weekend. I played so much, and saw so many people, and felt so lucky even though nothing is perfect, and and and and and.

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Internet has been gone in the house. I'm at the castle, it's four am, i'm watching d. lloyd take pictures of himself.

When Loudon Wainwright says, "it's easy," I want to believe him.

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Brian and I were sitting on the couch in his studio yesterday, laughing incredulously as an actor told us, "You, you guys are lucky, you have a marketable skill!"

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Oh, I forgot to mention a long time ago: all these boys are sleazy, for sure, and conniving, definitely - but when they run into each other out at night, they ask about the others' mothers. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, I'll be giving her a call real soon."

Charming.