Guided by Voices day. That part in "Bulldog Skin" where he says, "Alright, get wild!" always makes me smile.

God. Every song. So good. "I entered the game of pricks with knives in the back of me. And I never asked for the truth but you owed that me."

---

I am so excited for the Superbowl - I don't give a fuck about football, but the city is going to riot either way, and I will be right in the middle of it. I made a shirt because I'm too cheap to by one (also - I don't give a fuck).

Conversation with the baby today:

"Hair. Messy."
"Yeah, well."
"Booger."
"There's a booger in my hair?! Get it out!"

He tapped my head with his hand. "Much better," he said.

Google account back!

I forgot to eat the other day. I keep doing that. I finally went grocery shopping, though, for the first time in..... four months. "What do you eat?!" John said. "Very little," I replied. But that's changing.

I should rename this project "What I Did Yesterday".

Speaking of, yesterday was beautiful. Afternoon cocktails (which was really just tequila). Then a wonderful show - it feels nice to walk into a place and know almost everyone there. And if I didn't know them by name, I recognized them or knew I knew them through friends, somehow. Lindsey came with Paul, a new addition to this social circle and this Pittsburgh life. She was looking around wide eyed at the crowd: "Look at the people here! They are all so strange and interesting looking. What an odd group of people. Who ARE they?!" Jen and Randy and I laughed because they were 'our people' - we knew them all.

We left in waves - MaryApril, RandyMikeMyself, BrianPaulLindsey, JenAnnie, EmilyTony.

"This is a nice system; I get to wake up to you like five different times."

Our house has been a little hotel recently - Randy and Tom making frequent house visits, Callum just left, Dan and Annie are staying here now, and Julie will be here in February. There has also been more entertaining, featuring the rest of the crew.

A gift for you: Thomas Function - Relentless Machines. This closed the show last night and killed it.

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While i sort out my hacked account, which i can't get into how much that sucks in this medium, i will just say that last night i got drunk and fell asleep watching jumanji. I forgot i did that until i saw my computer this morning.

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Gmail account possibly hacked. Wondering what this means for me. Can't post, this probably won't even work.

Michelle tried to explain to me why she loved the fact that I was drinking out of a forty all night, but was floundering pretty hard. Something about how it was perfectly trashy, but I'm not trashy, but I kinda am, or something. In the end she gave up and ended with, "...I just think it's great."

I was flattered.

I'm sure my Bruce Springsteen muscle tee contributed to this. It was a hit. Now that I am looking back to it, I think the overall excitement was much less about my shirt, and much more about the fact that I chose to wear a sleeveless t-shirt in the middle of winter. Arms! As tantalizing as an exposed ankle to a puritan.

---

Walking home (the longest, coldest walk) Audrey and I peed on a church. See you in hell. We also chatted with a man who crossed the street to talk to us when he saw Audrey dancing down the street. Typical Pittsburgh encounter in that nothing about it should have gone well but everything ended perfectly: two little white girls joking and laughing with a strange black male in a bad part of town, 2 am.

Sad to come home to things I so recently had been sharing - only one toothbrush in the cup, and all that. But onward!

Yesterday I planned to spend the night alone, cleaning and drawing. Instead I had four separate social engagements, back to back to back. Drunk by five, and shot a BB rifle at Brian's house, aiming at a cup down the hallway, laying on the floor sniper style. Drinking tequila from shallow bowls. Back home I finally crashed before I took off my shirt or bra, but after I took off my pants. Awaking with a start in the night: "Oh, welcome back."

Lovely morning - laid in bed and shared stories and Jen and I rounded the corner, almost running into each other, and we were both wearing the same see through nightgown that we have in different colors. Listening to new (to me) music, the dog sleeping on the bed next to me.

I have been catching little glimpses of summertime in Pittsburgh - remembering how Jen and I would sit on our fire escape in the sun, sitting in the computer lab with the window open. The sun has been coming into my window in the mornings which doesn't sound amazing but after being in winter for so long, it is. And I have been waking up before it, easing into the day.

Charmed.


I'm proud of my life but don't ask me why.

Callum left today, unexpectedly bringing two of my friends with him, as he tends to do. It's been so nice having him around, one of those friends that are more like family. The night before he crawled into my bed at 3:40 am and talked about things that were weighing on his mind. He picked out the outfit that I wore last night to impress my new boy (although I vetoed the shoes):

"What should I wearrrrr?"
"Oh! Can I pick?! Really?!?! I'm so gaaay, I love it!"

His pick was the red Lacoste dress and leggings, instantly. I must admit it was better than anything I would have picked.

--

Yesterday I went out to buy him cigarettes and was refused service from my regular shady corner store because I forgot my ID. Callum, who is twenty, got drunk at the Cage last night without ID and the explanation of, "He's Canadian." Seriously.

--

He's been using my computer and IP Relay, the internet service that relays typed messages from deaf people, to get in touch with people. Today I heard a strange male's monotone voice tell me, "Hey dollface. Thank you for everything, I love you."

---

When you stumble upon your friends mid-coitus, what can you do but play Al Green for them from the living room? Really this is the best possible reaction I think anyone could have.







I just think he's lovely. I like to help people. Some more than others, obviously.

"Man! You are like totally willing to take any step possible to ensure your happiness! That's awesome!"

"I'm glad you think it's honorable I tried to pee in a girl's mouth."

"In a fucked up way...... yeah, I kinda do!"

"Can you open this?"
"It's a banana."

I needed help.

Okay. After a roly-poly weekend I'm ready for real life again. GG Allin's "Don't Talk to Me" has been the soundtrack lately.

Yesterday was manic - Callum was supposed to work at 7 am but instead slept until 4 pm. Jen gave herself a tattoo. I read about my sign (Pisces II) and blew my own mind. Large group of people over at our house in the evening - Jen and Keith playing noise music in her room while Brian, Paul, Rose, and I sung Bruce Springsteen. Failed attempt to go bowling. Then late dinner at the cage and extremely stressful attempts to fall asleep.

--
Jen, in the living room:
"I feel crazy. I think I'm going to give myself a tattoo. Do you have a sewing kit?"
"No, I don't know where it is anymore."

Cal opened the bedroom door after sleeping all day with a kit in his hand. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation."

--
Callum and Johnny - two important men in my life who never think I eat enough. There is just so much else to do when you are romping around the city with one of your partners in crime. Last night I turned to Cal and exclaimed, "I ate something today!" and he said, "Cheers."

--
I have been wearing more nightgowns recently - this is a direction my life is going that I feel extremely confident in.

Time flies when you're having fun - which is why I have been recently reminded of how annoying it is once you promise yourself to write one thing every day.

We've been bundled up in our third floor apartment, making people visit us instead of the other way around. Cal and I took the dog on a walk to buy beer and cigarettes and when he got home around 2 pm he said, "Great, now we don't have to leave the house until tomorrow." In the past few days I have woken up and snuggled in my bed with Callum and Emily (day 1) and Callum, Jen, and the dog (day 2). Actually most of my time lately has been spent in beds with people I enjoy. Can't complain about that.

Cackling in the strip with Lisa and Callum at Anthony's restaurant. "I mean I'M embarrassed to be around him, and I'M not even sleeping with him!"

A rather ridiculous scene: Callum is giving me a piggy back ride while I'm grasping a boquet of flowers (thanks Cal). It's fucking freezing outside and we made a rather hasty exit after Callum offended everyone in the bar. I'm still on his back and he's alternating between asking passerbys for drugs and sticking his thumb out for a ride.

We ended up getting a Jitney ride, which is basically a guy that gives people rides. An unlicensed free lance cab driver. Callum was thrilled, he had that childlike look on his face.

"What's a Jitney?"
"It's a cab for black people," said our driver.
"A what?! That's crazy!" There was a hint of that cackle. "But we're white!"
"Yup, and money is green."

Awesome.

Then: "No smokes? No booze? I guess we should just go to bed."

Cal is here. We ate beer all day. Gotta go find food. More later. I'm very happy.

AWESOME MEETINGS YESTERDAY. AWESOME TALKS. I am so excited for the future. omfg everything.

---

R. Kelly's "I'm a Flirt" really doesn't get talked about enough.

"Please believe me, unless your game is tight and you trust her, don't bring her around me 'cause I'm a flirt." Basically he has to be quarantined because his flirting instincts are so strong he will steal any woman. Even when he's with his girl on the low.

Also, the song applies directly to my life. Please observe - in the line "I'm black, handsome, I sing, plus I'm rich and I'm a flirt," I identify with:

I'm black
handsome
I sing
plus I'm rich
and I'm a flirt.

---

Fun time last night celebrating for no reason with a friend. "Everything I feel is all over my face," I said.

"It's so true, Taylor. I see you at parties, and I see it cross your face. And you try to cover it up and laugh politely or whatever, but it's so transparent."

I guess this is one more reason why I should only hang with people I actually enjoy, not that I need any reasons besides that.

I spent last night giggling with a mixed group of people - the generation gap was obvious when we went around the room and said the first concert we ever went to. Mine was Spice Girls. Jim's was Fugazi the year after I was born. Jacob guessing Ani DiFranco for Annie (and it's Ah-nie, thank you) was such a dig - Spencer, Ted, Jen, and I laughed about it on the ride home. Speaking of the ride: a winter wonderland, deserted streets, layer of new snow on everything. It's nice to have this little group together again.

Jim has Jen and I's Christmas card on his fridge.

They love puns, those boys. Choice ones from last night:
Jamel Toe, the jam band.
Eros Myth

--

Still playing first-day-of-school-games.

Andrew told us to say our name and one word that describes us. Mine was 'clumsy.'

"Okay. And how is that going to contribute to the explorations of this class?"
"Well.... it makes things happen."

True. Not always want what you want to happen, but it does put things into motion.

I spent yesterday schmoozing. It was lovely. First day of classes, seeing everyone again and doing work in my office. Then celebrations with Paul after class. Brian came later - he has a big meeting ("Big meetings, big budget") with a Renee. Turns out it's my old boss that I loved and had a great working relationship with. "You're worth your weight in gold."

Chyeah. As Lil Wayne says, "No sittin' at the table if you bringin' nothin' to it."

Then walk walk walk walk walk walk walk (it was fun, although my face froze) to pick up my phone from Randy. Get home late. Audrey and Tom are over. Take a nap at 9:30 pm when they leave. Wake up at 11:40 pm and go to a show at Howler's - saw a lot of people. Didn't see Mary, but I thought I did six different times - every girl there had long straight hair and dramatic bangs. Strolling in after they've stopped charging admission, ducking out before it's too late.

Stayed up till it was getting light outside.

Jen is so lovely because she is my constant moral compass - where others would have given up long ago, I think. She is always reminding me to be kind and fair, the two things I forget first. Working through outside issues in our kitchen, I said, "I don't understand. There's nothing to discuss," and she looked at me and I was reminded. "Well... I guess I have to find that 'feelings' switch in my head and turn it on to deal with this."

As Devy B says, "Be kind, baby, be kind."

But maybe Emily summed it up best when we were laughing about things we really shouldn't on the couch: "We're the women who give women a bad name."



Ah, but that's all very dramatic.

--

A few weeks ago, I was with Wandy and Gandi and Matt at Whataburger. We were playing the game where you try to remember the first time you met your friends - I had been a little taken aback in the past because both Matt and Andy introduce me to their friends as "This is Taylor, I've known her since high school. Way back."

"I must have met you at Walker's," I said to Andy.
"Yeah, you're right. It was on the back porch. Do you remember what you said to me?"


Apparently our conversation at the time went something like this:
"Hi, I'm Taylor. I've heard a lot about you."
"I'm Andy. I've heard a lot about you, too."
"You're pretty cool."
"I've heard the same about you."
"We should be friends then."

"What's with today, today?"

Laughing, laughing, laughing. "He already saw me super drunk, I told him to turn the wrong way onto Friendship, I fell getting out of the car, and I left my phone in his car. At least he knows I'm a slop/strug upfront."

Watching 3rd Rock From The Sun with Audrey late at night, eating WingZone."I love this show," she said. "I used to watch it all the time." Then later:

"Wait.... they're ALIENS?"
"Yeah, what did you think?"
"I thought they were just weird!"

Watching Empire Records now with two lovely friends. I'm still in pajamas. I spent most of today in bed. Not so bad. Just realized I haven't eaten all day.

(The 'shock me, shock me, shock me' line from this movie made me laugh - talking with Lisa earlier she said, "You know how it is with our friends. 'Thrill me, thrill me, thrill me.' ")

Pittsburgh is so magical.

In the past my friends from home have remarked (usually when referencing this blog) how glamorous my life in Pittsburgh seems - that shitty kind of glamorous, the every day kind, you know. And I always respond that it's simply a matter of editing - I'm a boring person, really. My life is quiet. Because I'm writing about it after the fact I can choose to only talk about the most interesting parts.

But you know what? That is bullshit.

Last night was a perfect example, rolling around the city, tearing shit up. It felt like every place we went into we stormed into, a tornado of dresses and pretty girls, limbs swinging, hair flyin. The night ended at an after-hours members only club around 4 am. It's like a fucking speakeasy, with a guard at the door and lots of rules I didn't know and broke, over and over. How I got in is a mystery, but I spilled a man's beer all over me (typical!) and offered to buy him another. In the end it probably didn't win him over any more than the fact that I was drunk and leaning on him, but I will choose to remember that my flawless social grace and charm is what did the trick.

Really, could it have ended any differently? I managed to keep my phone, passport, keys, and debit card (all floating around my bag) with me through out the entire tumbling night, and when being dropped off by my new friend I forgot it in the car. We have no mutual friends and I don't know his number. Huzzah.


"I wasn't ready to go. I'm never ready to go. Let it ride."

Not done, just taking a break. There are too many things I feel the need to record and share, even in some small way. I'll try for one a day.

--

Sometimes you are faced with a choice you know you should avoid, but you can't turn it down due to it's sheer novelty. Last night was the perfect example - 4444 with Emily's mom, playing games in that odd living room. My mind was melting, and I hid my dumb face behind my cards all night.

But Josh mentioned some benign location - Ohio, maybe. No one had been there. "Wow, so no one in this room travels, huh? What an uncultured bunch."

I was trying to take in the whole scene, playing that insanely stressful game ("Pit"). Yeah right, no one there had travelled. I still have my Mexico glow, but before that it had been... Amsterdam, Switzerland, France a few times, Spain, Germany, Thailand, Egypt, Brazil, Canada, Serbia. I'm lucky. No. I am fortunate.

Edit 1/12/09:
Christ, I'm so fortunate I have the luxury of forgetting: Puerto Rico, Grand Cayman, and what was that other one? Cozumel? I've been there too.

--

RECENT MAGICAL MOMENTS:
1. Sitting with the whole group in the last night in Mexico, listening to a trio play. Everyone was happy and full and tan with wet hair from their evening showers. Heads leaning back on the chairs, legs over each other's laps. During a song the most brilliant shooting star shot across the sky behind them.

2. As my dad was driving me to the Houston airport, what song comes on the radio but "THE DANCE"?! We both reached to turn it up at the same time. It couldn't have been a more perfect song as I made my exit from Texas - and this time it felt 'for good'.

3. Getting off the shuttle in the Pittsbugh airport, I walk by a few cars, and see a girl that looks familiar getting on in the direction going towards departures. I double-take. I jump back onto the train - "AHI!!" and she is stunned for a moment before wrapping me in this monster hug and kissing my face. Claud is there too, and when she recognizes me she does the same. It all happened to fast, strong hugs and I love yous and kisses and then they pushed me off the train as it was taking off in the other direction where they were about to leave the country for good. Ahi's face was clean and when I first saw her I thought she had just woken up but later I realized she had been crying.