I'm very excited to potentially be going to the Jersey Shore soon. Of course, I can't remember when we are planning to go or who we are planning to go with. But I do remember that I was invited.

The Promise Ring fan in me is geeking out.

Bored walking on the boardwalk,
New Jersey Shore.
If I come to New York,
can I sleep on your floor?
I've been living out of a suitcase on the motel floor
and running up tabs at the corner store.
I'm barely walking on the boardwalk anymore.
When summer gets along,
your hair gets too long.
I'm picking up the habit of drinking long before four,
when July is gone,
I'll be twenty-four and then not anymore.
New Jersey shore,
New Jersey shore,
then not anymore.

--

"It's so hot in here. My face feels a hundred degrees, I know it's red."
"It is red," Dawn said. "You also just blushed like five different times just now."

--

True art school shit life: rolling cigs with newsprint.

Menthol migraines, tired eyes.
We are a motley crew, it's true, but it's nice to bullshit late into the night.

"I had brunch with friends today -- they are all so cute and smart and cutting, I think that is what I appreciate the most about them. They grin over the rims of coffee cups and show their pointy teeth."

Yeah, it's like that still, except instead of brunch it's well past midnight, and instead of coffee it's sloppy G&Ts, sitting on a couch with a dog.

--

Happy Birthday, Pauly.

Okay, I've been watching a lot of Sex with Mom and Dad on MTV lately. In case you are unsure what the show is about, the disclosure at the opening of the show sums it up:

"Sex with Mom and Dad is about...
your parents...
and sex...
and your parents talking about sex."

Riiiiight. Now I got it.



The question that is continuously at the front of my brain while watching this show is: "Have these kids never heard of Google? Seriously, what the fuck."

Also, whatever happened to good old fashioned lying and sneaking around? Things to consider.

Everyone was attractive and drunk and laughing and smoking and discussing politics after dinner - looked like we shoulda been wearing high-waisted pants and silk scarves and been railin' on Nixon.

Ashtray = filled. Jug of wine = emptied.

We played charades and one of the categories was "Judy Dench." That round lasted longer than you would think.

--

Had a passionate discussion about Bruce Springsteen with two Jersey boys. Jack's dad used to sing him to sleep with.... was it Thunder Road? I can't remember, but that fact is hilarious. Morrissey was also discussed.

"He's talking about fuckin' TURTLES. Eating the EYELIDS OFF A DEAD BODY. YOU CAN'T WRITE THAT SHIT! YOU CAN'T WRITE THAT SHIT! When I realized that, my whole life changed."

Yesterday a pitt bull jumped out of a back truck window into the bed of the truck, and then out of the bed of the truck into traffic (ate it) and ran right at me and my lil dog. I scooped up Una, kicked the pit bull away a few times (who was more curious than aggressive, but he jumped out of a moving vehicle to come check us out, so like, uh, YEAH) and hung out with some punks at the bus stop until his owner came and grabbed him.

-

reconciling
WHAT HAPPENED
with
WHAT'S HAPPENING.

-
Oct 26th, 2008 at 10:19:15 pm:
> hahah dude ARE YOU KIDDING? I GOT BOOBS RUBBED ON ME!!! I wish everyone was that nice to me upon first meeting them
>
Oct 26th, 2008 at 09:28:59 pm:
> > maybe one of my most memorable/worst first impressions. eesh.
> >
Oct 26th, 2008 at 09:07:38 pm:
> > > Oh so THAT'S who you are!!!! Hi!!!! I do remember that someone (you) was puking, but it was TOTALLY lisa that rubbed her boobs on my jacket. At least she definitely used bare boobs - if anyone else did, it was thru a shirt. It was a cute experience, anyway. lol at "matt beckin."

-

"That's it, that's the law, that's the whole of the law."

Taking Lisi to lunch yesterday, an old friend of hers walks in. "Oh my god, that's so-and-so," she says.

I have met this boy once before, allegedly, when I was seventeen and throwing up on the ride home. His presence did not make an impression on my young lil memory which was rapidly losing brain cells out the car door at red lights. "Yeah, you were like, molesting him in the backseat!" Well, if you say so, Lis.

Called him over. "This is my friend Taylor, she molested you in the backseat of Ashley's car four years ago." I knew that was coming.

"Actually I think that was you," he said.
"Yeah! It was probably was you."
"Yeah you're right. It was me."

--

Ended up having a surprising amount of people over last night (for my memory: Dan, Annie, Tom, Spencer, Anthony, Abby, Young Greg, Ted, Alicia, Dan, Dave, Be-hatted Girl, Emily, Rose, Audrey, Lydia, Amy, Josh, two dogs. I think that's it).

Audrey was on fire - calling everyone out in this hilarious sassy way. "Yelling gossip - I love that," Lisa said.

After everyone left, Jen, Audrey and I played Never Have I Ever and Audrey yelled at me with such intensity, like she was scolding a child. "You need to be LOVED like a REAL WOMAN DESERVES TO BE LOVED." I was dying, rolling around on the couch and laughing. I can't even put up the other stuff she was telling me. It was amazing.

"Yeah. Well. My hand's still up." - Jen, playing the game.

Oh boy. All I can say. Spent the morning watching people get ready for the day - I love that.
Backing out of the New York trip was a great decision - I can always say no and cancel. And I usually do.

Today:
- remake the sign on our door
- 4 muscle drawings
- bills, bills, bills
- sketchbook seriously.
- make wax bird for foundry
- babysit 7 pm
- Nico's?

Laughed with Jen this morning - isn't it nice that all my mornings start this way? - about different ways we punish ourselves. Sounds like a downer conversation but really we were laughing the whole time. We love self-loathing about as much as we hate ourselves.

--
Me: "Man WHO KNEW?"
Jen: I did. Me. I knew.

--

Oh yeah, I gotta mention this:

Damn.

"Well, well... you have a savage little sense of humor, hm?" Best comment to me ever.

Senior project: posters, books, and postcards for sale, art about art, and about hating yourself, but just a lil bit. It's gonna be great.

Also - I'm putting something in "The Living Room Handjob", so I gotta start working on that. There are so many options. The eternal HJ/DH question could be in there..... all the complexities of the universe are in the one little question.

Old letter from Lisi:

"so let yourself feel fabulous. and enjoy every sip, every swallow, every touch of human contact and really try to see your surroundings. It's hard sometimes, but really, it's the easiest thing. And when you feel really rotten, lay down."

It's hard to remember things are always looking up. That's what that lil mark on my arm is for (when I got to L.A., John licked his finger and tried to rub it off). I'm stressing over whether or not I can make it to NYC this weekend, but John put me in place like a big brother would: "oh sack up. quit yer whining." It's true - the problems I worry about are still good problems to have. "And when the power goes out in the grocery store, you just take, take, take."

--

Oh yeah, I drank a Miller 64 calories last night. Hahaha. It was bad, surprise surprise, but who am I to waste?

Met a man named Carlos at the bus stop - he's from Mexico!

1. Nice to talk to a Mexican again. This I can handle and actually enjoy, as opposed to like.... the CreepyGuyEws of the world.
2. He thought I was 15 or 16. Still got it, baby!
3. I finally learned something and lied about having a boyfriend. It makes conversing with strange males much easier.

torchy's

I really made a mess of myself this summer.

Remember when Matt sent me a sex text that he meant to send to another girl?!?
I'm being unfair, 'cause really it was just a joke I didn't understand at the time, but for like two weeks I told everyone: "Matt sent me a sex text............ and he meant to send it to a DIFFERENT GIRL!"

My version is funnier.



"tell me your name, I swear I'll drop it wherever I can." -- I often think of this when I am schmoozing here in Pittsburgh.

One of my favorite things in the world are boy gossips. I definitely don't know enough.
I'm watching the Hills, which is why I was reminded.


Last night, catching up with Jen in the kitchen, both in our PJs:
"I mean, I kinda thrive on dysfunction."
"It's cool, I love to be sad."

har har.


The other day she brought me coffee (with sugar + cream already added!) in bed. Sweet.

--

Yesterday (Sunday) morning, I woke up, turned on my compy and screamed because I saw that 1) Elephant Six played a 'surprise' show in Pittsburgh the night before and then I screamed again because 2) JEFF MANGUM SHOWED UP AND PLAYED. This is my childhood hero. This is a lifetime creative hero for me. Holy hell.

They also hold a sweet spot for me in my heart because I kid that they are the only reason Walker and Eric and I ever became friends, on that first Music Christmas ( Dec. 23, 2003, I believe). It was my ticket into the type of snobby-snob-snob music world you can only exist in when you are 15/16.

Video of "I have been floated". (reminds me of the "hotel bathroom" Brood choruses that used to happen at shows - miss that time).

"I have been floated to this thought, this hour,
on a series of events I cannot explain.
Gather your wit, your will, your luck, your power..."


Oh boy.

Taylor,
It was nice talking with you in Wendy's.
Maybe we can talk again sometime.
I will tell you some interesting things about the
website development and vodka business.
I am in Shadyside...where are you.
Mark


Honestly, do I have a pheromone that attracts creepsters and deadbeats? I believe so. Paul agrees, and apologized for his gender to me.

I walked the dog this morning and laughed the whole time, thinking about last night.



- eve dancing in her bra
- dancing on the wall
- leaving j. may a message where mike and I said every other word:

Hi.
Jon.
It's.
Mike.
and.
Taylor.
and.
we.
want.
to.
see.
you.
and.
your.
face.
and.
body?
so.
you.
better.
come.
here.

- telling paul a rather risque/embarrassing story on the porch with like 10 people around.
- making Jon get down on one knee and propose to me. I woke up with his ring on my finger.

I miss my old boss.

Me: My new favorite drug is drinking a lot of coffee in the middle of the day.
He: My new favorite drug is Xanax!



He had this to say about our friendship:
"Our relationship is smart, sophisticated, yet very casual."

--

johnny 1:46 AM : gimme some uplift
say somethin nice, im stressin on a deadline
silence.... the ultimate uplift
because that's what it all is in the end- silence and worm meat!
you muufuckin hopeless atheists.
godless whores and demons
who i love
love love love

J


I told him:
at this point i was already passed out in bed, barrette still in hair, wearing my party clothes sans anything below the waist

--

"I took a drug test today and had to tape a heating pad and a contact solution bottle full of pee to my leg."

I love my goddamned SB so so so so so much.

--

Okay, I love Britney's "womanizer" song/video.

You say I'm crazy.
I got your crazy.

Spent the whole morning barfing - Seagram's Seven, I thought we were old buddies. What happened?

Anyway, finally rolled out of the house at 3:30 to walk to Wendy's and started talking to the guy ahead of me in line who was definitely with a mail-order bride. He's sending me a sample of vodka. Talking about booze was making my stomach flop over, but the frugal side of me couldn't pass up a deal.

--

Oh, I saw these two dudes being overly jokey and manly with each other and I thought, "they are totally going into a strip club," which was true, but the part that was blowin' my mind was that they were both wearing basketball shorts. What? The most obvious boner pants ever? I don't get it.

--

I miss my friends in Texas. I miss them more because they have each other and are not missing me.

WWSS

Haha, this Smog line is so good. I had forgotten it for a long time:

I really want to like girls,
but it's seems every time I get burnt.
Is it because they can hurt me like no other man can?
Or is it because I am a jealous bitch?

--

Jen is being the 1/2 of the Twin Towers for Halloween, along with our other tasteless friend.

"Can we be the SEXY twin towers?"
"I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY THAT."

I've always wanted to go on tour. I pout because I "wasn't allowed" to when Walk went on tour a few different times, but really I know that girlfriends change the dynamic for everyone else.


Something about it is so appealing to me. It's because I love to be sad.
Or am I just usually sad and the road seems like a better place for it?

I also love fast food, look good dirty, and can easily substitute beer + smokey treats for food. It's the life for me.


---



The Get Up Kids' Pandora station is just plain embarrassing.

Jen found a missed connection on Craig's List that sounded exactly like I wrote it. Then she found two more. Eerie. My emotions are also now cheapened.

Keeding.

I have now have a fear people will find Missed Connections that I did not write and attribute them to me. Just another self-involved concern.

--



Sleep on the studio couch (uullllllllll)? Or trek home and sleep for a few hours in my own bed?

My feelings were hurt and I was in a funk all week, but then I realized I have done almost the exact same thing to more than a few people over the years (okay, like 3). I felt the need to call and apologize, AA style. Alcoholics Anonymous, not American Apparel. On that note:


"I wish two drinks were always in me."

--

"I love that this is what our life has become," Jen said, her tit hanging out in the living room as we watched TV. She made body casts and I was writing something. No thang.

yeah, yeah.

Graham came over today and his fake tooth fell out. Paul and I had to search for it in all the rooms, underneath all the furniture, while Graham assisted with his gap smile.







"Death. It's my thing. Death and buildings." - Pauly

Doppleganger pt. 4

by Frédéric Poincelet

--

CREEPY GUY EW called me back! It's bad, because I have a lot of friends who don't have phones, so when I see an anonymous number, I assume it's them (Baby C) and have to answer. I hung up after I realized it wasn't one of them. Oops? Is that bad?

"No," said Jen.

Dopplegangers pt. 2 & 3

By Jocelyn Hobbie. This looks freakishly like me, and I used to have this exact same hair.

...and now I have this exact same hair. I'm going to be Andrew W.K. for Halloween.

Nothing stresses me out as much as going to the grocery store.

I am such a Stepford Mom in training - fancy outfit, 30 dollar headband, takin' care of the bebe (which I love), risking a breakdown in the grocery store, and coming home to a stiff drink and being stood up.






I read my first sketchbook from 2003/2004. It was insane. I am into all the same things, I was more productive then, but I am less hokey now.

--

Paraphrasing, because I think I lost the letter somewhere (merde!):
"I respect the fact that you have never once given an answer to people who have asked you what you will be doing after college."

Also, from the old sketchbook:
"I like you because you feel a lot like me to me. It seems like you have a secret smile for every moment."

A bitch after my own heart. She loves my blankies as much as I do.

-

"I'm nihilistic, antagonistic, violent, horrible—but not obliterated, yet." - Lydia Lunch

-
Jamie Stewart, consistently quotable:
"Primarily, I would say that this year has been one of the first not dominated by personal tragedies, thank God. The subject matter is mostly about making other people feel bad, which seem to be what I spent most of my time doing lately, as opposed to feeling bad. It's rife with guilt and sex as opposed to sorrow and sex."

-

W.W.S.S.?
Ha, ha, ha.
Life's a joke.

Hahahahahahaha, oh man, what a weekend.

Had to skip class all day. Let's call it a 'mental health' day.

--

The dogs burst through the door this morning - little Una and giant Inga - and jumped on the bed, snuggling their way up, squished in between. "Oh, what is this?"

--


I love my little life in my little house. Jen, art, dogs - this picture sums up a lot of it.

--

Last night, me in my smoking jacket, Jen in her bed, we had a moment that was straight from a Friends episode (the early years).

--




The Ponys - Ferocious
This song is killing me. "I feel fe-ro-cious!"

Dog's new name is Una, to continue the tradition of our friends' dogs with foreign 'a'-ending names: Kalila, Beulah (close enough), Laika, Inga.



I'm pursuing my body of work. How hoighty-toighty sounding (but actually I'm very, very excited).

Where am I, high school?

I had to use a disgusting bathroom (the whole time I heard Lis' voice outside: "It's so nasty. Don't even try to go in there. No, I'm waiting for my girlfriend"). I didn't even attempt to flush.
I'd apologize, but I was kinda in an abandoned building (neé recording space), so. I guess that's it.

Then, wandering down the alley with Jen, to keep lookout while she found a secluded woodsy spot (with 100 people 20 feet away), she accidentally stepped on a fluorescent light tube. It exploded, there were screams, there was shrapnel, there was chaos. There were also hot toddies in thermoses, which made everything a little easier.

All that and back home by 11 pm!

--

WE GOT TIPSY


I feel like I had a baby overnight - Reeves told us at the show last night that the dog would be ours. Long story.

So we got Tipsy this morning (har har), and baptized her into a new life.

New name TBA.


pup has two mommies.

I'm going out to schmooze and booze and my hands are dyed blue (I re-did my sheets today). They look like corpse-dead-zombie-hands, especially when next to my pink face. Bring it on, I guess.




So Art School:

Me: Will you braid my hair tonight?
Jen: Yeah for sure. Will you cast my boobs in plaster tonight?
Me: Yeah, totally.

I just forgot what I was going to say.

Dammit.

--

I love snarky party comments, even (especially?) when they are directed towards me.
Don't wanna forget:
This summer, at a party with Matt filled with people I used to go to my first college with, some girl grabbed his arm, pulled him aside, and said "Oh, is this your latest attempt?"

Love it!

September 30th does not exist.

Senior Project finally coming together. Excited.




I still have so much trouble going to bed. There is so much to do and I don't want to miss anything.